


Perfect Memory of a Perfect Face

by VillainousReaper



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, M/M, Mentions Of Schizophrenia, Prosthetics, Swearing, third person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-02-12 10:11:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2105832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VillainousReaper/pseuds/VillainousReaper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tavros fell for the guy no one cared about, yet always listened to. When Gamzee is unable to bring together the words Tavros wants to hear, he steps out and leaves an electric, angry silence behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perfect Memory of a Perfect Face

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Unhealthydoctors](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unhealthydoctors/gifts).



> OKAY SO HI. I really, really would like some feedback on this, you guys! I'm debating on making it into a multiple chapter thing, but I'm not 100%. What do you think?

He hummed gingerly, fingers carding through a dark brown, silky mohawk that made him grin the moment he’d seen it bounding over. He didn’t need to look down at the young, amber eyes that shone like stars to know who it was. He had memorized the sound his steps would make over the near year they’d been together, each time changing depending on his mood. He memorized every detail he could, even though his reputation as ‘dumbass stoner’ tried to prove otherwise. Maybe he wasn’t the brightest, but he had his moments and interests. Tavros, age 17 (and a half, as he insists, upset that Gamzee is already 18), quickly became one of his interests after their first conversation.

_“I’m here to, uh, tutor you, since Mr. Allister assigned me to you. Not that I mind, really. I think it’d be nice. Or well, nice for me to get to know someone that isn’t really, in my class. Not that it isn’t good for you! Uh,” darling Tavros Nitram rambled off, a bright flush covering his already pink cheeks, nipped at by the cold. He’d met up with a young Gamzee Makara at the local library as they both had decided, knowing of the young males reputation. He was the slacker, the illiterate, the one that didn’t care. He was the guy you were warned of because he reeked of Faygo and weed, but that didn’t stop Tavros. He was nervous at first, yes, because this was someone new, but he was fully aware that he couldn’t back out. That would disappoint the teacher! He just wouldn’t have that._

_“Maaaaan, you gotta get your motherfuckin’ chill on, my wicked brother!” He gave the Nitram’s shoulder a pat and Tavros carefully sat down beside him, glancing around to make sure they weren’t already going to get kicked out. Gamzee was quite loud. “Shh! This is a library and, people are trying to read,” he’d retorted in a softer voice, nudging the Makara’s hand off. Gamzee pursed his lips and cocked a brow, leaning back in his chair. The next time he spoke was quieter, a more hushed tone, which Tavros was thankful for._

_“Why’s a motherfucker like you helpin’ out this lost cause? Ain’t gotta just ‘cause the motherfuckin’ teacher said you oughta. I’m a waste of your motherfuckin’ time.” He’d gestured to himself, and the language he’d used make Tav cringe. He believed anyone could be helped; no one was just a lost cause or some waste of time. They were just a poor soul who’d lost their way.  “Don’t call yourself that,” he scolded, turning toward the wild-haired fellow. “You aren’t just some, lost cause. You just need help. I’m here to, erm, help.” After, he gave a gentle smile and opened up the text book he’d removed from his backpack, Tauros Pokemon keychain jingling softly._

His eyes were closed, hand falling from the other’s hair and to his own lap, content as the younger continued to babble on about a comic he’d recently started, APOTHECIA on Taptastic. There was something about a recent update, the monster or alien or whatever it was escaping from the hole. Gamzee chuckled quietly, eyes drifting open lazily, a smirk on his painted face. Tavros paused and turned his head, looking confused. “What is it? Am I, being dumb? I sound idiotic, huh?” Nitram quickly lowered his hands to his lap, biting his lip. He knew he could be himself around Gamzee, but he always felt embarrassed when he’d go off on whatever subject that pleases him.

Makara shook his head. “Nah, man. Listenin’ to you like this is chill as fuck. Sweet voice and all.” He quieted momentarily to tilt his head just a bit, hand touching Tav’s chin and bringing him close. He planted a soft, sensual kiss upon savory lips, the air between them heating up. Imaginary sparks lit up their personal sky, the bubble they shared, and the tanned teen sighed into the kiss.

When they parted, Tavros muffled a whine in Gamzee’s shoulder, upset that it ended so soon. Makara could only smile, resting a smooth hand on the Honduran’s cheek. “Let’s get our motherfuckin’ move on, yeah? I got some cash in my pocket and the most wicked craving for some of that Taco Bell you gave me yesterday.” Tavros grinned eagerly and nodded, peeling himself away from his juggalo-looking boyfriend. “Yeah, that sounds good.” He put both arms through the straps of his backpack, older a little bit torn. “I’m ready to go, if you are.” An excited smile stretched on his lips, looking forward to food. He’d rather Del Taco, but it didn’t matter all that much as long as Gamzee was happy.

*     *    *

Taco meat was mushed into the corners of his mouth, sauce staining his lips and smudging the greasepaint. He took overly large bites, pieces of lettuce and cheese falling and landing on his signature polka-dotted pajama bottoms. Tavros tapped his fingers against his thigh, staring at the mess the other was making, but he couldn’t do much. This was Gamzee’s home, after all, and he didn’t have a say in how clean it was.

To occupy his mind (and hands), he quickly took the remote and began rapidly flipping through channels, trying to find something interesting enough to keep his eyes focused on the screen instead of the blotched couch and floor.

_“Welcome to my pad, man!” He shouted while bursting through the door, spinning around to watch Tavros’ reaction. Nitram looked around at the place, everything scattered. The TV looked nice, though, as did most of the other appliances. It was a studio apartment, and Gamzee was only 17. “How are you living here?” He quickly spoke up again, hoping he didn’t offend the other. “I-I mean, you’re underage! I don’t think you can, have a place of your own, right?” He rubbed the back of his neck, a little nervous._

_“My motherfuckin’ uncle wanted me outta that place so bad after what I did.” He grinned like some sort of victorious superhero, obviously proud of his actions. Tavros hesitated, wanting to ask what happened, but opted against it. It’d be best to save that story for later._

_The Nitram nodded and slowly walked around the open room, kitchen in one corner, bedroom off to the side with a divider wall separating and the kitchen. The bathroom was the only thing that was actually closed off. Tavros was relieved._

_“So, what do you do here? I mean, it doesn’t look like there’s, er, really mu-.” He stumbled over his words as he literally stumbled, the sound of a loud bike horn beneath his feet causing him to squeak and fall over. Gamzee took a moment to process it before darting over to his boyfriend’s side, helping him back to his feet. He knew it was difficult for Tavros to stand, adjusting to the new prosthetics he got that started at his mid-thigh. They made him sore and the area red, but he knew it was just a matter of time before they’d be broken in. Tavros constantly insisted it. Gamzee couldn’t argue._

_“You alright, motherfucker?” His vulgar language didn’t affect Nitram at this point, even though they’d only been together a short time. He knew Gamzee always meant well. “Yeah, I’m fine. You need to, uh, really clean this place up, though. It’s pretty, well, hazardous. Other visitors could, get hurt?” Gamzee shook his head and brushed Tav off. “Hell fuckin’ no! Man, I know where everything is when it’s like this! I like my motherfuckin’ mess here, yo. Ain’t no one gonna change this shit up on me. You’ll get used to it.”_

Tavros never got used to it. Every time he visited his boyfriend, he felt almost sick to his stomach. Dirty clothes here, Faygo bottles there. It was a wreck, and Tavros wouldn’t stand for it. He stood up and began cleaning, moving at a frantic pace since he adjusted to his legs at long last.

“The motherfuck you doin’, Tavbro?” Gamzee mumbled out with a full mouth, wiping his left hand off half on his pants and half on the napkin he actually aimed for. “Cleaning,” the Honduran replied, tossing the dirty laundry into a pile. Makara rose a brow at the other, looking confused. “Why? Brother already told ya I like it the way it is.” Tavros didn’t reply to that, collecting more clothing.

Gamzee pursed his lips and set his food down on the coffee table, the one that actually was clean in the place. Tavros rapid-cleaned it up one day while the Makara was in the bathroom. Gamzee didn’t really notice until the next night when he reached for a Faygo and noticed his hand didn’t touch a dirty napkin.

“Man, chill out, aight? If ya really want it clean that motherfuckin’ bad, then I’ll do it. My place and my responsibility.” He stood up and took the Nitram’s hands in his, a black shirt falling to the floor. “Sit down, okay? Brother’s got this, gonna get my motherfuckin’ cleanin’ on like a motherfucker shoulda done before you showed.” Tavros smiled softly at that and nodded. “I actually noticed you were low on food, so while you clean, I’ll go get some stuff, okay? I won’t take long.” Gamzee nodded, planted a firm kiss on Tav’s forehead, and they parted ways.

When Tavros returned an hour and a half later, giving his boyfriend extra time to clean up, he was shocked. It was spotless! The laundry was even getting washed! The moment he saw the cleaned space, he gasped, unable to mask the surprise. Gamzee, shirtless and wiping off a counter turned his head and beamed, pride radiating throughout the open room. “Motherfucker do good or what?” He rolled his eyes. “It’s ‘do well’, and, yeah, you did. It looks great!” He was just as proud, to be honest. Gamzee could work his own ‘miracles’ when he put his mind to it.

Makara returned to the couch after tossing the dirtied washcloth in the pile of laundry by the washer, now wearing black basketball shorts with tattered ends and no shirt to cover his very lightly tanned skin. He gripes about it needing to be better, but Tavros has always told him that he’s fine the way he is. Of course, it was always said in his own paused, stuttered and somewhat cluttered way.

Gamzee helped put away groceries, but Tavros did the organizing so everything was sectioned out. The meat was in the meat drawer, cheese in the cheese drawer, Faygo on the right side of the shelf and water bottles on the left.

Once they sat down, Tavros yawned, outstretching his arms. Time had passed, unbeknownst to them, and it ended up being 10 o’clock by the time they had finished. Conan was on the TV screen, something about Obama, but neither of them paid attention.

“Little Tavbro wants to get his dreamin’ on?” Tavros nodded, opening his mouth wide in a yawn. Gamzee opened his arms up and shifted on the couch to laying position, allowing the other free space to curl up and sleep for the night. Nitram happily accepted the offer and laid on top of his best friend and lover, head resting on his chest. His thoughts drifted off to the past as his eyes closed, humming softly.

_“Gamzee?” His voice was hushed and warm. Makara groaned quietly in response, eyelids fluttering, but remaining closed. Tavros knew he wasn’t asleep and continued with a little more fervor in his voice. “Gamzee, come on. I know you aren’t really, uh, asleep.” Even if he wasn’t, Tav’s voice was still quiet. It seemed to fit the moment._

_The smile that danced upon his thin lips glowed in the darkness of the room, area lit up by an indigo lava lamp on the coffee table._

_“Yeah, my main motherfucker?” It was obvious he was tired, as it showed in his voice, a sultry slur in a rough tone, yet calming nonetheless. A little hot, even._

_Tavros’ cheeks lit up a bright red and he fought to hide his face, but replied. “Why do you care about me?”_

_Silence filled the room after that, and Gamzee didn’t have an answer. Not that he chose to withhold it. He just couldn’t put it into words. Sadness filling his heart, Tavros fell asleep._

Not this time.

This time, he didn’t want to beat around the bush and sugar coat it. He didn’t want to act all sweet, because he wanted an answer. The first time Gamzee didn’t answer him, he was crushed. He felt unnecessary. He left immediately the next morning and ignored his boyfriend for two days without word of why he was even upset, but word wasn’t needed. Gamzee knew. He felt guilty, but nothing could change it at that point. They had to move on from it, and they did.

“Gamzee?” He sounded like he had the first time around, biting his lip tentatively. Gamzee was awake this time, just relaxed enough to sound tired. “What’s up, Tavbro?” His voice had a lilt to it, something so subtle that it took a few days for Tavros to notice it. He liked it, of course. It made him sound over-relaxed, but in a good way. He’s the calm after the storm. The peace the revolved around him made others rethink their ways of living, even though most hated what he had to say. He was picked on and didn’t care about it. Even though his friends hated his attitude or lifestyle, they still listened. He might not be the brightest, but he has his moments.

“Why do you care about me?”

And just as before, silence enveloped them uncomfortably. It created unwanted tension, the animal-lover’s heart starting to race as each quiet, painstakingly awkward second passed. He could hear each beat in his ears, louder than the sound of his father’s truck roaring to life each time his family decided to take a road trip.

“Tavros…” Oh no. His voice was soft, yet serious, holding back concern and guilt that easily trickled through. He knew the tone all too well; it was used whenever Gamzee had to give bad news or when his attitude transitioned into a darker stage, one that made him seclude himself. Not even Tavros could see him during those times, and they happened more often than he preferred. He had tried convincing his boyfriend to get help, but the Makara refused, venting about how those ‘unmirthful motherfuckers’ just pump him full of poison instead, turn him into an emotionless robot.

“Man I… I can’t say for sure… I can’t put it into all the wicked words I learned. I can’t describe it.” Tears pricked at the corners of Tavros’ eyes as he sat up on the other, pressing his hands against Gamzee’s chest for help. His bottom lip quivered, burning eyes glossing over with salted pain. The look of hurt made Gam’s heart ache in his chest somethin’ so fierce, he nearly winced. “Try? Please? I-It would-” He was cut off by a broken whimper, having to squeeze his eyes shut and force back the tears that threatened to fall.

Gamzee opened his mouth, but nothing came out save for the sigh of defeat. The stillness of the air adding to the strain between them made the situation worse and his thoughts raced, wracking his brain for the right things to say, but he came up empty. He failed.

Tavros shook his head and climbed off of the other, immediately heading for the door without second thought. He didn’t want to collect his bag, fearing the thought of seeing Gamzee’s face. The door clicked once, opening, then again, closing. The room was empty of a youthful spirit and personality, leaving Gamee to sulk in his own regretful sorrow.

*     *     *

It was 3 A.M. when Gamzee slammed his fist against the Nitram house door repeatedly, hoping to wake someone up. He didn’t even care who, at this point. He was willing to face Rufioh or their father.

Thankfully, he didn’t have to.

Tavros answered the door minutes later with an irritated expression on his face, brows furrowed in anger. “Gamzee? What’re you doing!” He whisper-shouted, rubbing at his eyes with a fist.

Gamzee didn’t miss a beat as he shoved his way into the house, feet immediately tapping their way up the steps and to the young Nitram’s bedroom. The mohawked-male followed behind quickly, growing even more agitated by the minute.

Once they were behind the closed door, the youngest Makara began rattling off something he didn’t understand right away, words too quick for him to catch in his half-conscious state. Gamzee’s eyes were wild with an amplified energy he hadn’t seen before, and it frightened him somewhat. Reluctantly, he took the other’s hand in his and squeezed, hoping to God that it would pull him back to reality.

The frantic words hitched, Gamzee sucking in a breath. His head whirled around to face the shorter male, eyes searching desperately for security and comfort. He looked worse for wear and only a few hours had passed, yet a few hours was all it took. The voices got to him. They screamed vile things until he couldn’t take it.

Tavros tugged him into a gentle hug, voice mellow and reassuring. “It’s okay, Gamzee. It’s okay. I’m here, okay?” The response he got wasn’t verbal, but physical instead, arms tightening around him to the point he wheezed out a breath, but he didn’t care.

Dark hair fell over a smeared face as he slowly fell to his knees, arms blanketing an orange shirt-covered waist. He buried his face in Tavros’ abdomen, mumbling something he couldn’t quite catch. Tav only nodded and combed his fingers through the wild and jet black locks, carefully untangling the ends. Minutes passed, 10 or 15 maybe, before an audible word was spoken.

“I’m motherfuckin’ sorry, Tav…” He started, removing his face enough to enunciate. “Brother ain’t meanin’ to make you all sad and shit… I just can’t pull my motherfuckin’ thoughts together enough to give you what you want to hear, make it sound all smart and understandable.” Tavros bit his lip and nodded, hand running down the back of Gamzee’s head, lightly scratching the skin beneath the ball of curls.

He inhaled slowly and exhaled the same, wanting to keep it simple, but meaningful. With his luck, it’d come out a jumble of garbage that’d somehow offend one of few people he cared too much about.

“Your smile lights up my motherfucking world, Tavros. Your eyes are the burning balls of fire that are my suns,” he paused to focus his thoughts, then continued, “and they’re so motherfuckin’ bright, sometimes I can’t help but stare. Each line around your mouth when you smile the most mirthful of smiles makes everything around us disappear like the entire world ain’t matterin’ to us. I can’t all understand that ways of which you make me feel, but it’s good. It’s so motherfuckin’ great, Tavros.” He dug his nails into the other’s shirt and tugged, shutting his eyes tight.

His voice became a soft whisper, understandable, but laced with pain. “They’re always so fucking loud, Tav… So motherFUCKING LOUD and I can’t make ‘em shut up when I want. Weed ain’t workin’ anymore and I can’t see those blasphemous doctors you keep on suggestin’ to a brother. They’ll fuck me up worse than my uncle did when he found out I was failin’ my classes. Always wantin’ me to get those good grades, make somethin’ of myself so I don’t live what he did. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t FUCKING DO IT!” His breath seemed to quicken, but he didn’t stop there.

“You gave a damn about me. You cared enough to try, even though my motherfuckin’ face was smeared all over school with these motherfuckin’ ODIOUS rumors ‘bout my past. But that never stopped you. You made it so fucking easy for me. They finally shut up whenever you came around. They were quiet, and I didn’t even need that mirthful herb.” He stared up at Tavros whose tears ran down his face rapidly. It made Gamzee’s heart skip a beat, knowing he might’ve fucked up again, but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t leave it on that note.

He rose to his feet and took Tav’s hands in his own, clutching them tightly. They rose to his face, resting on both cheeks, a thumb running along his cheekbone. “I’m so fucking sorry, Tavros. I can’t seem to get it right like you want. I just can’t.” He growled at himself and shook his head again, lips moving but nothing coming out. He was fighting with himself, with his mind and the voices that taunted him to no end.  

He was shocked at first, cheeks flaring up to the point that he felt he could could a roast over them. He gingerly tilted Gamzee’s head up enough to see his eyes, blazing amber piercing bright blue, oddly bright but beautiful in every way. “Gamzee…” He ran his tongue over his lips and bit down on his tongue to stop from saying the wrong thing, flipping the words over in his head multiple times. “That was all I wanted to hear and more… Thank you. I know it seems hard, and, that you can’t piece it all together like you, um, want to, but that was just fine. You don’t need to be smarter, for me. I, well, love you, for who you are.”

Hours passed in the room, sun peaking out and calmly waking the world with its soft, warm red-orange rays that faded into purple across the sky. They talked all night about everything they could, from the thoughts of the future to their pasts and mistakes. They talked about parents and family neither of them had met, names they wish they’d been given at birth, favorite everything’s. All of it.

Tavros was the first to fall asleep, clock on the nightstand flashing 7:00 A.M. with one arm hanging off the bed and his legs tucked away in the closet. Gamzee watched him for a while, memorizing his every curve and line, the way his face contorted as he slept to match the dreams, how sometimes he’d snort like a little bull if he were getting aggressive or upset.

Tavros had told Gamzee that he was amazed with the details he used and the memory he had, but the Makara said nothing of it. With him asleep and unable to hear, Gam brushed the back of his knuckles over his boyfriend’s cheek, smiling faintly, and spoke in a soft, sweet tone. “Perfect memory of a perfect motherfuckin’ face, Tavbro.”

 


End file.
